By Chuck Woodbury
Today, I drove through Phoenix on surface streets from Apache Junction to Sun City. Now, first of all, I say I drove on surface streets. For you readers in rural areas who've never seen a road that wasn't on the surface, "surface street" is a big-city word meaning any street but a freeway. What I liked best along one street were the old motels. There must be 100 of them along that stretch. I assume this was the main drag before Phoenix got its freeways.
Here are some of the motel names: Rose Bowl Motel, Log Cabin Motel, Near Town Motel, Old Faithful Inn Motel, Lazy-A Motel, Refrigerated Motel, Golden Goose Motel, Navajo Motel, Rock Haven Motel, Trails End Motel and the Two Palms Motel.. . . What good names! They don't name motels like that any more. Today, except for cheap motels -- motels are usually called inns, lodges, motor lodges or even hotels. (1989)
Motorists used to wave more often. Even when my father got his first Volkswagen in 1957, other VW owners would wave as they passed. Today, if you drive a rare car, and a similar car passes, both drivers will often wave. I think some motorcyclists still wave -- especially on rural roads where there is room to notice one another. If you are driving a lonely road, and you find yourself waving at a passing motorist, then you are practicing a lost art. Lucky you. (1990)
Hollister, California's lone meter maid is no longer on the job. The position was cut recently to help Hollister meet its budget. I took advantage of her absence today to park overtime on the street outside the Earthquake Country Pub. To me, this illustrates an important point: that even the most law-abiding citizen (me) will break the law when he knows there is absolutely no possibility of being caught. (1992)
When you want to relax, just sit by a campfire. I can't think of many things more comforting. Whether alone or with friends, a campfire has a way of putting you at ease. (1988)
I heard this news item on the radio today. A fellow walked into a mini-mart somewhere and put down a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. While the clerk was getting it, the fellow pulled out a gun and demanded the contents of the cash register. The clerk obliged, handing over $15, which the robber grabbed and fled with. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to pick up his $20 bill -- leaving him with a net loss of $5 for his caper. (1992)
At the Very Large Array National Radio Astronomy Observatory near Socorro, New Mexico, comes this interesting fact. The power of this radio telescope is so great that if there were a comparable optical telescope it would be able to spot a nickel in San Francisco from New York. (1992)
I love to eavesdrop on other people's conversations. It's not that I snoop or anything, it's just that sometimes people talk loudly and you can't help but hear what they say. My feeling is that if they talk loud enough for other people to hear, then it's okay to listen in. Yesterday, in Morro Bay (Calif.), I walked into a small cafe to see about getting some clam chowder.
As I passed a table, I overheard part of a conversation between a man and a woman, both of early middle-age. I only caught a few seconds of the conversation, but it was enough to make me yearn for more.
"I know for a fact that it's my baby," the man said, and then there was some mumbling between them I couldn't make out, and then the woman said, "It's amazing that in just one night. . ." and then I passed out of range. So that's all I heard. I thought, "What's he going to do?"
But I had no answer. I would have asked him, but I don't think that would have been very polite, me being a stranger and all. (1992)
I can't decide which state is more "Wild West." My choice would be between Wyoming and Nevada. Both have miles and miles of wide-open space. I think, though, that Wyoming people wear more cowboy hats. Nevada has gambling, and that gives it a different feel. No matter where you go in Nevada, there are slot machines -- even in the smallest bars and grocery stores in the smallest towns. In Wyoming, there is no such thing.
The biggest town in Wyoming is Casper, which would be a small town in most other states. Casper advertises its mall as the largest in Wyoming. I visited it in 20 minutes.
Nevada, of course, has Las Vegas and Reno -- both good sized towns. Las Vegas probably has an airwatch reporter or two, and probably traffic jams. Both Las Vegas and Reno have smog. I don't imagine Casper has much smog.
So I'll say Wyoming rates first in Wild Westness with Nevada second and Montana third. Last place goes to southern California, where there are 50,000 cars for every horse, and 20,000 cellular phones for every cow.
Southern California is not the Wild West; it's the Mild West. (1989)
I heard a radio ad today in Lander, Wyo., that said the average person smiles 15 times a day. That figures to about once an hour, considering nobody smiles when they're asleep.
It seems to me that we could improve our world a lot if we would all smile 20 times a day. In the United States alone that would be about 1.25 billion more smiles a day. A big improvement, wouldn't you say? (1989)
I have a question for you: What are you famous for? Now don't laugh, because everybody is famous for something. Is it your great apple pie, or your woodwork, or your laugh, or your ability to twitch your nose?
Maybe you are famous for your poetry, or for being the mayor of your town, or for always winning at bridge or poker. Maybe you are famous for having a lot of kids or grandkids. Or maybe you won on Jeopardy. Maybe you are famous for never revealing a secret, or for being a loyal friend, or for being a great fisherman.
Please write (or e-mail) to me and tell me why you are famous.
I believe that everybody -- everybody -- is famous for at least one thing. For example, I am most famous for my ability to eat a whole box of Cheez-Its at one sitting (1990)
It's 8 p.m., and I just returned to the motor home from a distant, lonely phone booth to check in with home. All's fine.
As I walked through the rain and the darkness, I pondered the object in my hand -- a flashlight.
What a marvelous device -- a magic wand that emits a bright beam of light to illuminate my way. What would a caveman have thought? Could he have conceived of such a thing?
There are many wonderful, modern devices in our lives, but pound for pound, dollar for dollar, the flashlight is surely one of the greatest of all.
TO BE CONTINUED
Copyright 1998 by Out West Newspaper
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