Verse By The Side Of The Road
"Nobody knows the truffles we've seen,"
By Chuck Woodbury
The greatest advertising copywriters of America aren't in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles. They're in the small towns of the rural West.
We're talking about Mom and Pop business slogans here. You see them in the ads in quarter-inch thick phone books. You watch them drive by, painted brightly on the sides of a mini-van. You're confronted with them boldly chiseled onto a sign planted on somebody's front lawn. Take Slim's Sanitation in Greeley, Colo, where the proud motto is "We're number one in the number two business," or Ball Septic Service in Durango Colo., that admits "My Business Stinks."
The Tarp Man in Quartzsite, Ariz., confesses "We run a shady business," while Yardvark's Lawn and Maintenance in Bullhead City, Ariz., promises "We do more than mow, blow and go."
Then there's Art's Electric in Pullman, Wash; "Let us remove your shorts," he offers. Or the Durango Muffler Service in Durango, Colo., that confesses "Our business is exhausting."
In Hollister, Calif., the Hey Diddle Diaper Service asks would-be customers to "Let us lighten your load." Bunting Trash Service in Evans, Colo, swears "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your trash back."
Business must be good at Grass Valley Disposal, in Grass Valley, Calif., because, it says, "Our business is picking up." At first glance, you wonder about the permanence of Oregon Turf and Tree Farm which concedes "Here today, lawn tomorrow."
Carpets Galore in Las Vegas vows "We guarantee to beat them all," while the Orchard Hair Salon in Delta, Colo, announces "We curl up and dye for you."
Bud's Septic in Payette, Ore., swears "We do Pump 'N Right," while Concrete Products of Salt Lake City boasts "We dry harder."
Western Oregon Glove Company says "I glove you," while the Kite Store in Long Beach, Wash., asks "Have you tugged your kite today?"
A friendly company, B&G Turf Farm of Helendale, Calif., assures that it's "Easy To Get A Lawn With," and Gary's (Auto) Repair, Mancos, Colo., cajoles "Gary's Repair for Auto Despair."
Finally, Hogan's Window Service in Lake Havasu City, Ariz., admits "Your pane is our pleasure," while Nevada City Truffles in Nevada City, Calif., whistles "nobody knows the truffles we've seen."
©2002 by Out West Newspaper